Romantic relationships have a "Higher Purpose" in addition to the one's we have been conditioned to value.
Romantic Relationships are one of the most desired and sought after relationships. There are many different types of relationships, but almost everyone seems to want the romantic kind above all others. This is because we believe it will provide us the opportunity, to get us the things we "think" we want which is love, sex, companionship, intimacy, family structure, and all the things we believe romantic relationships can bring. Of course all of this is true to some extent, but analyzing what we actually want is the real key here. What close intimate relationships mainly provide is an opportunity to understand ourselves at a very deep level, which I believe we instinctively understand at our core. Deep down we all know that we are one with each other, and a Romantic Relationship is the closest we can physically come to experiencing that kind of closeness and intimacy in our human form. However, difficulties can arise when the ego dictates what we value in our relationships. Consequently, our experience doesn't typically follow the highest purpose romantic relationships can offer.
For most of us, romantic relationships start out very intense and euphoric in nature. This is due to the so called "honeymoon stage" that is typically derived from physical attributes along with delusions and desires created by the ego. This superficial, yet extremely sought after form of attraction only lasts for a short period of time before the relationship progresses into its more natural state. Since that natural state no longer has the egoic delusions that accompany a new relationship, the couple must build upon reality. This can be difficult for many who don't want to face themselves or the reality of life, but to reach the next stage or higher purpose of the relationship it is necessary for the partners to evolve.
Romantic relationships either demonstrate egoic desires such as; social conditioning, distraction, isolation, and avoidance of self awareness, or the relationship can provide a conducive atmosphere that breaks down ego created mind structures leading to self awareness, unity, spiritual and conscious growth, and the transcendence of fear. Romantic relationships who's foundation is built upon conscious growth are Spiritual Partnerships. These relationships emerge when both individuals are ready to move beyond the trappings of the physical realm that are miserable and problematic. Any life path or relationship that is unconscious in nature and therefore driven by the ego driven is always miserable and problematic.
The ego has us seek Romantic Relationships primarily because we are "looking for love". We want to love another, but mostly we want somebody to love us. Seeking love through receiving it is one of the greatest blunders or traps, because you can only experience love when You love something. We think that when our partner loves us we will feel acceptance, appreciation, wholeness, and above all we believe this love will make us happy. However, the truth is that these things can only be experienced through loving oneself and that comes from self awareness along with being fully conscious in the present moment. Once you begin to love yourself, then can you truly love another. How someone else feels about you doesn't actually have any power to change your state of being.
To love yourself, you must first see and accept who you are. This process can be difficult and even painful to go through because of the judgment we typically have towards ourselves. This judgment is created by the ego to distract us from becoming self realized. As a consequence, self judgment creates internal pain that is then transferred or projected onto others. This transference places our pain and dysfunction "out there" where we can pretend it isn't ours. The ego is satisfied as long as we keep our attention from turning inwards where it can truly benefit us. Learn to deny the ego it's power over us by seeing that the judgments we have towards others are simply the things we need to see and recognize in ourselves.
Be kind and compassionate toward yourself as you look inwards.
Forgiveness is the key to help us turn our attention inwards. To slightly alter or paraphrase a quote from Jesus; forgive us for we know not what we do. Once we know better we will make different choices, so forgive yourself for the unconscious ego driven choices you have made in the past. Now you can see your past as a learning experience instead of something to beat yourself up for. Now it will be easier to take responsibility for your past choices thereby empowering yourself to change what you would do now.
Once you learn to forgive yourself and start to become self realized, you now have a better opportunity to build a substantial relationship with another. If both parties have this in common the relationship will most likely grow and become much stronger unless, through self realization, one or both of the parties decide they want move on from the relationship do to irreconcilable differences or a simple desire to pursue a new relationship that is more in line with their own characteristics, needs, desires, or spiritual path.
For Deniece and myself we both desired a romantic relationship that was built upon a solid foundation of continued growth, trust, understanding, respect, a shared spiritual path and life purpose, compatibility, and love. Ironically, we didn't have to manufacture our relationship, it automatically manifested itself when the two of us were ready to embark on this type of relationship. In other words, it was divinely created and orchestrated once the universal timing was right for us to meet and be together. We are not the ones controlling life God is and if it serves us to have this type of relationship there is nothing we can do to get in its way nor can we make it happen.
Our unhealthy and stressful thoughts stand in the way of seeing the innocence of our choices and one of the best resources we have found to help us challenge our stressful, unhealthy thoughts, is the work of Byron Katie. Ultimately what can be discovered, is that none of our stressful thoughts are true and Byron Katie's work is a practical, hands on method, that teaches this. To learn more, go to her website at; www.thework.com
Increasing Consciousness helps you see the meaning behind the choices you have made while helping you to accept responsibility for them.
David R Hawkins is the leading authority on consciousness work. His work includes the creation of the "scale and map of consciousness", the explanation of kundalini energy, the use and reference to 12 step programs like Alcoholics Anonymous, "A Course In Miracles", and many other helpful topics.
The real purpose behind every Romantic Relationship is personal growth. Once the "Honeymoon" phase is over and both parties start being themselves, the disillusionment begins. When your partner doesn't live up to your ego's expectations (which they never will), the relationship typically changes from romantic infatuation and euphoria to disappointment. That's when things can start to fall apart and get ugly as we project our own insecurities and fears onto them. Try not to get discouraged because this part is actually the "Good Stuff". Once you consciously understand the purpose behind these Relationships, they will mirror back the issues you need to look at within yourself. All relationships are designed for this purpose, but Romantic Relationships accelerate this process because they cut to the heart of the issues do to their increased intimacy, egoic attachments, and perceived expectations.
Try to understand if you "Hate" something about another person, it is a good indicator that there is something similar in you that could use some examination. Once you can see it in yourself, you are then able to work on it. The Ego will do its job by distracting you from this awareness by convincing you that these issues only lie within your partner, but don't be fooled. What you "Hate" it in them, is certainly an undiscovered issue within yourself that is cleverly disguised.
Once you understand the true purpose of Romantic Relationships, they can become a great resource for your own personal growth. Even abusive or destructive relationships can produce positive results by recognizing unhealthy traits in them that you possess. Then you can redefine the expectations you have for these relationships by understanding their true objective. How long the relationship lasts doesn't matter at this point, and it will only dissolve when and if it serves you to do so.
Both of my marriages have provided me with tremendous opportunities for Personal Growth, yet the types of growth that came in each were quite different. My first marriage helped me see and understand who I wasn't, and my current marriage has helped me to discover and understand who I am. In addition, my current marriage and romantic relationship has been by far the most challenging of the two because of the deep inner work that has come from it. The similarities between the two of us, bring out the core issues that need to be faced, and as a result this relationship has helped me transcend many of them. Until we expose these deep seeded issues to the light of consciousness, they will block the Awakening Process and the peace and happiness that accompanies it.
Taylor Hartman's book "The Color Code" is very helpful in understanding our differences through understanding our individual personality types. To learn more go to our web page on Taylor Hartman or follow this link www.colorcode.com to see Taylor Hartman's website.
To see more information on all four personality types go to our Personalities web page.
"One of the first things a relationship therapist learns is that couples argue to burn up energy that could be used for something else. In fact, arguments often serve the purpose of using up energy, so that the couple does not have to take the courageous, creative leap into an unknown they fear. Arguing serves the function of being a zone of familiarity into which you can retreat when you are afraid of making a creative breakthrough." Gay Hendricks
"Most couples have not had hundreds of arguments; they've had the same argument hundreds of times." Gay Hendricks
"Relationships are all there is. Everything in the universe only exists because it is in relationship to everything else. Nothing exists in isolation. We have to stop pretending we are individuals that can go it alone." Margaret Wheatley
"We say we exchange words when we meet. What we exchange is souls." Minot J. Savage
Romantic Relationships provide an amazing opportunity for growth. Every romantic relationship you have shows you a different side of yourself. Some relationships last for minutes or days and others can last a lifetime. Neither are better than the other. Romantic Relationships are the mirrors to your freedom because they reflect back to you exactly what you need to see.
The Goal of this Website:
The Awakening Workshop's primary purpose is to help others transform their experience of life into one that is authentic and joyous by providing resources and personal examples to assist in becoming self-realized and conscious of reality.
Our workshops provide the "tools" and support to help you create a happy, peaceful life!
In sharing our experiences, along with the challenges and pitfalls that accompanied them, we hope to bridge the gap between the message of great spiritual masters throughout history by showing how their teachings play out in everyday life.
Facing one's fears, insecurities, and suppressed pain, is a monumental undertaking, but with help and guidance, you will discover that no challenge is to difficult to handle and no obstacle is to high to climb.