Relationships are the "Mirrors" that help you see and recognize what you need to work on within yourself.
Self-Awareness will free you from the deceptions created by the Ego and Social Conditioning.
There are many types of Relationships; casual, intimate, business, personal, family, friends, romantic, spiritual, etc, and each one no matter how seemingly insignificant, has purpose for your personal and spiritual growth. Each and every person you come in contact with is someone you have been waiting to meet and interact with all your life. The encounter is never insignificant or without meaning and it always provides exactly what you need to help you take the next step in your spiritual progression by mirroring back what you need to see.
The depth of the interaction does not determine whether or not it is important. Each type serves a different purpose, and plays a vital role in the personal growth and spiritual development of ourselves or the other. Try not to dismiss or trivialize the relationships in your life because you never know what actual meaning that contact holds. This doesn't mean that you need to remain in a relationship that no longer serves you, it just means that every relationship has purpose for your growth. In addition, it helps to keep in mind that it is easier to see in others what can be difficult to see in yourself. Learning to recognize that many of us share similar traits, characteristics, insecurities, and fears, can make our relationships a perfect resource to examine healthy or unhealthy qualities along with their associated consequences.
My current marriage has been an invaluable tool in helping me to see the murky and undesirable areas of my own personality type, and my wife has been instrumental in helping me to root out the unwanted elements.
Spiritual partnerships reflect back to you the unhealthy traits that cause misery and discontent along with providing the common goal of spiritual development and growth. I've learned that each time I catch myself feeling frustrated or angry I know with certainty that the person I'm blaming for the way I feel is not the one at fault, I am. No one has the power to change the way I feel but me, so be mindful when you point the finger of judgement because what you don't like in them is most often what you don't like inside yourself otherwise you typically wouldn't notice it. Once I am able to recognize and take ownership of an unhealthy trait, then and only then, do I empower myself to change whatever has been problematic for me. For example, when I used to get frustrated with my ex-wife for always trying to change me, I wasn't recognizing that I was demonstrating the same behavior by wanting her to change what she was doing to me. Now I can look back on that experience with gratitude because I see how my ex-wife was merely doing her job in helping me become self-aware by pointing out stressful, thoughts within myself.
Everyone is our teacher.
Recognizing and accepting unhealthy traits may be difficult at the onset of the self-awareness process, especially if the person you're working with is a new romantic interest, after all we tend to reveal only our most flattering traits to a new lover, but try to understand that everything that happens has divine purpose in helping you take the next step towards consciousness and self awareness. Once the initial infatuation wears off, it is easier to see the core of the relationship dynamic. Even if your relationships are tumultuous or dysfunctional, they provide a tremendous opportunity to see yourself with more clarity. In fact, it has been my experience that the tough unions have been even more opportunity rich, but I only realized this after I understood the purpose behind the insanity and dysfunction. Building upon this knowledge prepared me to embark on a truly aligned spiritual partnership.
It might help to remember, you've been sent nothing but angels no matter what form they come in or how they might appear.
Our misconceptions about relationships are wide-ranging and extensive. Most of us are seeking that special someone to share our lives with because we believe the other person will provide comfort, safety, companionship and security, but above all we are searching for someone, sometimes anyone, to love us. It's universal we all want to be loved! It's true that comfort and a sense of security can sometimes be imagined within a relationship but the only place you can find love is through loving yourself and then loving another. Expecting fulfillment from someone else is a dangerous thing because if you think you've found it in another it will lead to dependence as we hand our power over in order to get what we don't believe we already possess. Love, security, safety, and fulfillment are all things we can give to ourselves and if you do enjoy a wonderful companion, it can be seen as the icing on the cake, the cherry on top, a bonus, a blessing.
Becoming self-realized will help you remain clear about the difference between what you "want" from a relationship, verses what you "need" from it. However, if what you want is love, attention, compassion, understanding, commitment, safety, or someone to take care of you, understand that you are setting yourself up for disappointment because although you can create that with a partner, if you "expect" it you may need a lesson in where love and security can truly be found.
Dysfunction and disappointment, is the result when our expectations are not met by our partners, but since it's impossible for anyone outside ourselves to give us what we say we want, chaos ensues. When we release our egoic desires and unrealistic expectations, we may turn our attention inward, thereby empowering ourselves to get what we actually need from our relationships which, as it happens, is self-awareness. Then we can appreciate our relationships and be grateful to our spouses for what they provide us instead of holding them to impossible standards and expectations. Ironically, we expect our partners to be able to provide what we, ourselves, have been unsuccessful at achieving, we want them to love us unconditionally when we don't love ourselves and don't show them unconditional love. It may be best to give your partner everything you expected him to give you.
"Be the change that you wish to see in the world" Mahatma Gandhi.
Life is merely a projection of ourselves and our beliefs. In other words, what we see and believe about ourselves is what we see and believe about others and the world at large. Knowing this Universal Truth can unlock the mystery that is life. For instance, when you are angry at a loved one. Anger is a direct indicator that you are projecting something in yourself on to another. Maybe you are angry with someone because they insulted or disrespected you in some way, maybe they said you were lazy or accused you of being selfish. After what we perceive as an assault our reaction is anger resulting in damage to the relationship. The reality is, you wouldn't be upset if you didn't believe there was a bit of truth in the accusation. Now suppose your loved one says that your skin is green or some other comment that is equally untrue, it's hard to imagine being upset by such a ridiculous comment because you are certain it isn't true. So the lesson here is when you feel the anger rising at a comment someone has made, stop and try to realize the truth in what has just been said, even if it is not exactly what the person meant. This is how we can create agreement and harmony within our relationships and become self-aware at the very same time. Anger is merely a defensive posture against what we know to be true but don't want to accept about ourselves. By clearing away the resistance you may begin to see and experience a healthier version of yourself, and in turn, experience the beauty in others.
We are all beautiful, loving, enlightened beings at our core.
A great place to start building a healthy relationship is to discover who you are and who your partner is. You can begin this process by looking at your respective personality types. An excellent resource for understanding Personalities and how they relate to one another, is Taylor Hartman's book "The Color Code". Understanding the various personality types is fundamental to understanding human behavior and this book can help decode the reasons people value different things and why we behave the way we do. This book was the first step in my own journey towards self-awareness.
Just a note to remember; Although personality types influences the style in which we conduct our lives, it's our level of consciousness that actually influences the choices we make. As awareness rises our reactions change. Be kind to yourself as you evaluate prior choices, you only chose what you believed to be right at the time. Soften your heart, have compassion and forgive yourself and others for our limited outlook on life and naive understanding, just as Jesus did when he suggested,
"Forgive them for they know not what they do".
Opposites, indeed, do attract. We each attract certain people into our lives simply because they have opposing qualities. For instance; An abusive person will attract someone who is a victim, thereby fulfilling that relationship dynamic. The ego's victim archetype can't continue to feed unless it finds a perpetrator to play the opposite role and vice versa. Just as every leader needs a follower and every person in need is looking for a savior. in this way we act out the ego's games until we rise above the unconscious actions and make another choice. The willingness to change your circumstance usually indicates a rise in awareness. Regardless of the role you play, the attachment linking you to your opposite has divine purpose. Much of the time we are drawn to relationships that will help us build courage, when the situation gets difficult enough suddenly you are willing to step out of your comfort zone and try another way.
Like energy attracts like energy.
This is especially true when we share a similar spiritual path or a common purpose in life making the union one in alignment rather than one at odds. When this happens, the couple creates synergy elevating the positive energy flow past what each individual could do alone. My wife and I have noticed this to be true in our case, we both had tumultuous marriages that had catapulted us each to change our status and drive for what we had wanted in a partner all along, but when we became a couple the growth we experienced doubled or tripled. When we have a deep discussion or we are trying to find an answer to a problem within our marriage, we are always able to work it out and find a solution due to the fact that we have a singular intention and are united in a common goal. I find that we actually put the marriage and the greater good before our individual needs. the energy that is created allows us to see where we might be misinterpreting information or letting the ego run amok. As a result, we decipher and understand inspiration quicker, thereby accelerating our personal growth. Having two or more gathered in His name, elevates the energy of the union and allows us to lessen the impact the ego has in trying to distort or distract us from the truth.
Each of us has our own unique "spiritual path" to follow and interactions with others provide endless opportunities for self discovery along the way. All of my personal relationships have been profound in helping me to awaken and become more conscious, and if you look carefully I am certain that you will discover the same.
The tricky part, is learning how to break apart the preconceived ideas we have about others and their purpose in our lives, so that we can utilize the union for its true intended purpose and consciously see the "Mirror" they provide. Understanding the "higher purpose" our interactions with others can have, will dramatically change the depth and quality of these partnerships.
When we begin to see that every relationship can teach us about ourselves, no matter how brief or seemingly insignificant they might appear, we are able to fully reap the rewards and insights that these "Angels from Heaven" have brought us. Let go of your preconceived ideas about relationships and allow new insights to emerge. Ultimately, we are all students trying to discover truth, and everyone is our teacher in this endeavor.
For a very personal, in-depth look at how marriage, relationships, and personality types played their part in our lives, read our book and discover how new understanding, accompanied by increased compassion and forgiveness, helped us triumph against all odds!
This is a brief synopsis of Our Book; Manifesting Consciousness Sub-titled; A Personal Journey Through The Awakening Process.
Manifesting Consciousness is one man's incredible real life journey towards happiness. Follow him as he courageously confronts his fears and insecurities, finally emerging victorious over his inner demons. This heart-wrenching story truly celebrates the power of the human spirit while demonstrating that we each hold the keys to our own salvation. Through self-awareness he transcends the nightmarish deceptions of the ego making it possible for him to experience life, as "Heaven on Earth".
To Download the free E-Book of Manifesting Consciousness click on the cover image below.
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For more information on relationships and personality types visit our Personalities web page.
Living with integrity means:
Asking for what you want and need from others. Speaking your truth, even though it might create conflict or tension. Behaving in ways that are in harmony with your personal values. Making choices based on what you believe, and not what others believe. Barbara De Angelis
"No one is in control of your happiness but you; therefore, you have the power to change anything about yourself or your life that you you want to change." Barbara De Angelis
"Consider the following. We humans are social beings. We come into the world as the result of others' actions. We survive here in dependence on others. Whether we like it or not, there is hardly a moment of our lives when we do not benefit from others' activities. For this reason it is hardly surprising that most of our happiness arises in the context of our relationships with others." H.H. The Dalai Lama
"All human beings are interconnected, one with all other elements in creation." Henry Reed
"If we are to achieve a richer culture, rich in contrasting values, we must recognize the whole gamut of human potentialities, and so weave a less arbitrary social fabric, one in which each diverse human gift will find a fitting place." Margaret Mead
Our Book deals with all types of interactions with others and portrays how they can change throughout the Awakening Process.
The Goal of this Website:
The Awakening Workshop's primary purpose is to help others transform their experience of life into one that is authentic and joyous by providing resources and personal examples to assist in becoming self-realized and conscious of reality.
Our workshops provide the "tools" and support to help you create a happy, peaceful life!
In sharing our experiences, along with the challenges and pitfalls that accompanied them, we hope to bridge the gap between the message of great spiritual masters throughout history by showing how their teachings play out in everyday life.
Facing one's fears, insecurities, and suppressed pain, is a monumental undertaking, but with help and guidance, you will discover that no challenge is to difficult to handle and no obstacle is to high to climb.