Adult-Child Roles and our personality type creates the "Style"
in which we tend to operate in this world.
In addition to our personality type,
we also play either an Adult or Child role.
The use, and our description of Adult-Child Roles came about when Deniece and I discovered that we couldn't explain the differences we continued to see between people within the same personality type. Some who study "Human Behavior" think Adult-Child Roles are simply an attribute that individuals can take on in a relationship or that we learn these roles during our childhood development along with cultural conditioning, which is true to some extent. However, I believe we are born with either the adult or child trait just as we are born with our own personality type. We "put on" these Roles like a shirt before incarnation and they remain with us throughout our lives.
In addition to our personality types, the individual will take on either an Adult or Child Role that adds another dimension to the character they play in this production we call "Life". These attributes and traits make us more unique thereby giving us a broader view and experience of the human condition.
The Adult-Child Roles are both present in relationships that last a long time, because they create balance in the relationship. Of course there are exceptions to this. For example, a couple can stay together without the balance of these roles by virtually living separate lives or if they have motivations such as finances or children to keep the union together. However, these reasons for staying together have little to do with the actual relationship between the two partners. True relationship is about growth, and growth is primarily achieved when the partners interact with one another on an intimate level.
The same balance that these roles achieve in Romantic Relationships, is also prevalent in other relationships such as Friendships, that last a long time. The nuances of these roles can be subtle, but look to the person who seems to have the authority to be the adult, and the child role is typically more playful and can have the courage to step outside of cultural norms. I feel it's instinctual to be drawn to the opposite role that we possess so that you can see what you need to incorporate into your own life to achieve balance.
In healthy couples, the partners capitalize on each individuals strengths, and learn from each other's example. Learning to embrace and incorporate these traits in your relationship is the same as embracing and incorporating the unique and healthy traits between personalities. Different things come naturally to different people, so it seems prudent to capitalize on these unfamiliar qualities instead of being threatened by them. The same is true for how we should look at and embrace the Adult-Child Roles we each play. We're not damaged because we have unique traits and behaviors, we are blessed by them.
In addition to capitalizing on each others healthy attributes, seeing each others weaknesses can be just as important and beneficial to one's growth. This is primarily do to the fact that what we tend to dislike in another is typically something we dislike in our ourselves. Realizing this truth empowers us to change that behavior thereby creating real growth. So learn to embrace the Adult-Child Roles in your relationship instead of criticizing your partner for their powerful and extremely beneficial role in your life.
In our marriage, Deniece plays the Adult and I play the Child Role. If you look at these roles symbolically instead of literally, you don't see the Adult or Child as being better than the other, just different. Simply said, being the Child makes me more willing to be adventurous, and as the Adult, Deniece is very grounded and responsible. So together, I help her to break out of her comfort zone and she helps me to not blast off into the stratosphere! This makes for a very healthy, balanced relationship in our opinion, and as we continue to awaken and become conscious, our relationship keeps growing stronger.
Another aspect of the Child Role, is that they tend to be more talkative than the Adult Role. They also don't always think as much before they speak which can get them into trouble at times. Adults tend to govern what they say a bit more which can make it harder to get to know them as quickly on a personal level.
Dare to see and accept the Adult-Child Roles and discover which role you play. Then learn to capitalize on your strengths. In addition, be open to learning and incorporating healthy aspects of the other role into your own character while at the same time seeing the unhealthy characteristics in your partner as something to work on in yourself.
The Adult-Child Roles add another element to our personalities, and when fully recognized, they can help you understand yourself and others a bit better.
Taylor Hartman's book "The Color Code" is very helpful in understanding our differences.
Follow this link www.colorcode.com to see Taylor Hartman's website.
To see more information on all four personality types go to our Personalities web page.
"There can be no vulnerability without risk; there can be no community without vulnerability; there can be no peace, and ultimately no life, without community."
M. Scott Peck
Return to Personalities page from Adult-Child Roles
"Gloria in excelsis Deo"